It's May 3rd All Over Again

Here in Oklahoma all you have to say is May 3rd and everyone knows what you're talking about. It was May 3, 1999 when an F5 tornado ripped through central Oklahoma killing 36 people and doing more than a billion dollars in damage. May 19, 2013 will be remembered along with that date from now on. Another F5 tornado ripped through central Oklahoma leveling Moore, OK and severely damaging Shawnee, OK.

 

 

You cannot imagine what looking at a tornado can make you feel. They are magnificent in one sense, such raw power sucking up everything in its path, as long as that path is on the open prairie and no homes or lives are in danger. They are also the most fearsome power on earth. I was born and raised in Humboldt County California, about 300 miles north of San Francisco and I've been throu9gh earthquakes. My youngest daughter and I were in San Francisco in the 1989 earthquake that brought down the bridges and leveled the Marina District. It was terrifying to say the least. But I've been through many dangerous earthquakes while living in California, but moving to Oklahoma in 1988, and then again in 1999 after being back in California for about eight more years, I will still take a tornado over an earthquake. At least we have warning systems for tornadoes, while earthquakes just hit without notice.

 

 





There are days remembered throughout history like Pearl Harbor, D Day, and the Twin Towers. Here in Oklahoma, we remember April 19, the day Timothy McVeigh changed lives in Oklahoma City, May 3, and now May 19. The one thing I can say about these types of disasters is that whether it's in California, New York City, or Oklahoma, we are Americans and we come together to help one another, to rebuild, to offer our money, our help, or our shoulder so that whatever is needed to get people back on their feet and through the nightmare life has thrown at us, we are there for one another. America is like that, and always has been since people first set on this land. We get knocked down, but we get up and go forward, and that is what makes us the greatest land in the world.

 

 

Thank you, God for this country and bless those who are working today to rebuild their lives and homes. Thank you for those who survived and bless those who lost loved ones, give them comfort of knowing You are with them and help them to move forward stronger than before. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Abortionist Gets 3 Life Sentences

Abortion doctor Kermit Goznell received three life sentences for the lives of "aborted" babies that were still alive when born, and were then murdered by the doctor when he snipped their spinal cords with scissors. He was also convicted of killing a woman who had come to him for an abortion, as well as hundreds of other abortion law violations.

Personally, I cannot imagine any woman wanting an abortion for any reason, especially, just the fact she doesn't want to be pregnant. There are so many people who are looking to adopt and because of the adoption laws in this country, it makes adoption costly and lengthy. However, private adoption is a trend that that works for both the pregnant woman and the adoptive couple. Even in situations when a woman might give birth to a child with genetic problems or disease, I still could not abort that child. I could not abort a child for any reason, even when I was a pregnant sixteen year old and my mother encouraged me to consider abortion, it was not something I could bring myself to do.

With that said, I would never want to see abortion illegal. That statement has caused me problems with people in churches I've attended. "How can you call yourself a Christian and support abortion?" I am a Christian and I do not support abortion per se, I simply support the legal availability for those who choose abortion. While I whole-heartedly believe that life begins at conception and there are no mistakes when children are born, and I believe Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..." and Psalm 139:15 "My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." We are made by design by God and are precious in His sight. But I remember what it was like before Roe v. Wade, when women had to sneak around to back alley abortionists and often died from hemorrhage, infection, or wound up unable to ever bear another child because the "doctor" didn't know what he was doing. I remember the stories of women using knitting needles, wire clothes hangers, or other implements to perform their own abortions, and wound up dying or injuring themselves for life. I would never wish that on anyone, no matter my own beliefs.

If this was a perfect world and there was no sin, and no one had sex until marriage and there was no such thing as an unwanted child, then sure, abortions would not be needed or wanted, but until that point, I do want to see women counseled about options like adoption. I would like to see all high schools teaching abstinence, but knowing that not all teens are going to be abstinent, I would like to see schools also teach birth control options for both boys and girls, and for boys to learn that pregnancy IS their responsibility just as much as it is a woman's.

The world has many significant problems that need addressing. Abortion shouldn't be one of them. No woman should die for wanting an abortion, and no baby should be aborted, or killed because an abortion failed. I pray in Jesus' holy Name that those who read this will pray for anyone they know who might be pregnant and seeking an abortion to consider adoption instead and give life a chance.

It's a Crying Shame

As I read posts from Christian news this morning, I was so heartbroken, sad and just sat here in disbelief, yet I was able to find one thing that wasn't evident in the articles.

China has performed over 356 million abortions in the past forty years since instituting the one child only law, and a good portion of those were performed by force and the women then sterilized. 355 million babies murdered. In America, 55 million babies have been aborted in the past thirty years, many of those were aborted at a gestational age where they could have survived out of the womb.

And now a "doctor" and his nurse is under arrest for murdering babies in the doctor's abortion clinic. I cannot even type what they did, so I am posting the story:

Assistant Admits to Killing 10 Babies With Scissors During Trial for 'House of Horrors' Abortionist
As the trial for notorious Philadelphia abortionist Kermit Gosnell proceeded this week, one of Gosnell's employees testified that she had personally been involved in the murders of 10 newborn babies, the Christian News Network reports. Adrienne Moton told the court the babies who were born alive had their spines "snipped" with scissors. "I learned it from Dr. Gosnell," she said when asked by prosecutors where she came up with the idea. "I never asked why. ... I could remember a good 10 times that I did it." Moton has been incarcerated since 2011, and has pled guilty to third-degree murder, along with other charges, for her participation in Gosnell's late-term abortion operation. She is the first of at least two employees who are set to testify against the abortionist in the trial. Gosnell, 72, faces seven counts of first-degree murder for the deaths of babies who were born alive but had their spinal cords "snipped"; he also faces one count of third-degree murder for the death of an abortion client who was administered a lethal amount of medication, in addition to approximately 20 other charges. Gosnell was taken into custody in 2011 following an investigation into his practice, called the Women's Medical Society. Philadelphia district attorney Seth Williams, who initially leveled the charges against Gosnell, described the clinic as a "House of Horrors." In addition to several babies found with their spinal cords severed, investigators "found jar after jar after jar of fetal remains and specifically severed feet in jars" and "medical waste bags just strewn everywhere," according to Williams. Gosnell, if convicted, could face the death penalty for his crimes.


I cannot feel sympathy for either of these people, and I believe they should receive the death penalty. "House of Horrors" is not even close to what these people have done. And it is far beyond me to understand people like that.

What I did come to see after I cried over these poor, innocent babies, is that each one of them is in Heaven with the Lord and I am thankful for that. I can't even imagine what over 400 million (and counting) children in Heaven looks like, but I can't wait to get there and see them all.

When I was young, I had this world by the short hairs, but the older I get, the more I realize I don't understand much about it or the people who inhabit it. And the less I want to be here. I want to hear the Lord call me home, and I look forward to that day.

Pass The Salt Please

When I was a kid, Avon was a new company, and there was Maybelline, Cover Girl, Max Factor, and the list goes on and on. I don't know which make-up company came first, but in today's world, TV, magazines, and the internet are packed with make-up, hair care, hair color, fingernail polish, and other "beauty" items. Everyone on TV is glamorous, and the ads show even young children using make-up and dressing in stylish, expensive clothing and shoes that cost more than my first car.

My mother has used Mary Kay cosmetics for as long as I can remember, and even sold it for a while. I don't know if it's the cosmetics or genetics, but my mother looks great for a woman her age, and even women much younger. Personally, I am not much of a make-up user. I am definitely not like a few of my daughters, who won't leave the house unless they have make-up on. When I do wear make-up, it's a minimalist effect. Maybe it's because I saw pictures of myself at 16 with the blue eye-shadow so caked on, flakes fell off every time I batted my lashes!



But all of us, no matter our age, don't want to look like an old hag from a Grimm's Brothers fairy tale. We want to be beautiful, attractive, alluring, and soft as a baby's bottom. The ads tell us which lotions will do that, which body washes will do that, which face moisturizers will knock 10 years off our looks, and the list goes on and on. I won't lie, I've tried them. I've used items to look younger because Diane Keaton is the spokesperson, is in her mid-60's and looks like she's in her 40's. Andi McDowell hocks hair dye, and with her head of hair, who wouldn't want to look like that? Not to mention she's 54 and looks 35.

                                                              

I will be 54 in October. I don't look 35. I don't think I look 54 either but that's okay, I'm not one of those people who worry too much about looks, or fashion, or style. But I do have a tip for those of you worry about dry skin and looking younger.

Skin gets damaged by the sun, wind, water, etc. The cells dry out and that's what makes them look older. Getting rid of them so new cells can come to the surface is what makes skin look younger, and feel softer. Lotions, body washes, serums, creams, etc. can't do that but salt can.

I used to work at a spa in California. I was a masseuse and trained in all aspects of the spa, which included hand and foot treatments, face treatments, herbal wraps, etc. and salt scrubs, also known as salt glows. This was back in the early and mid-90's, and we charged $65.00 for a salt glow. I have no idea how much they are now. But for me, they are about $4.00 a month!

Salt is a great cleaner, cleanser, and antiseptic. You can scrub your tub with it and brush your teeth. You can gargle with it for a sore throat or mouth sores. You can put some in a baggie, microwave it for a minute or so, then wrap it in a kitchen towel and use it as heat therapy on sore muscles, or on the neck at the base of the skull for migraines. You can also scrub out the bottom of those glass coffee pots, if you're still using those types, or on any other type of glassware that has stains you can't wash off. It's much safer than a can of cleanser, and if your kids get into it, they aren't going to eat much of it!

For your skin though, we aren't using regular table salt but canning salt, also found in the spice aisle. The granules are larger than table salt so it doesn't feel like you're using sandpaper, and it sloughs off dead skin cells, while refreshing your body, making you feel as soft as it was when you were a child. I have a metal soap dish with sides that I pour the canning salt into and sit it on top of the shower door, while keeping the box of salt under the sink.

Me - age 51

In the shower, I use a cheap Walmart brand of face cleanser and pump three times in my palm, then add about a teaspoon of salt, rub together and clean my face, neck, and decolletage. You ever see how women's chests look kind of pimpled like an orange skin? That's from dead skin not being removed regularly. Then I use a poof, squirt a cheap brand of body wash on it, lather up, (don't rinse) and then fill my hands with salt and start scrubbing away over the body wash. Be sure to use a lot, as much as you want, and use both hands on each thigh, calf, and back up all the way. Scrub as much of your back as you can, or if you have someone who can help, call on them to scrub your back. When you get to your feet, use a whole palm full on your heals, and dig deep into your instep with your thumb and over the ball of your foot, not forgetting to go in between each toe.

Be sure to use hotter water when you first get in and are getting ready to lather up. This opens your pores and allows them to get cleaned out too. When you rinse, use cool water so your pores close. Also use cool water to rinse conditioner out of your hair. This will close the nutrients in the conditioner inside your hair shaft, making it look shiny and full. And of course, make sure you are using a good shampoo. When I was young I never gave shampoo or conditioner a second thought but I do now. Most of the shampoos on the shelves are full of wax and chemicals your hair, and body don't need. I get my shampoo and conditioner from Sally Beauty Supply. Anyone can shop there, not just hair care professionals. A good shampoo and conditioner will cost you more, but it's going to have better results and give you healthier hair.

What The Bible Really Says

I'm getting really tired of people who spout off about God and the Bible, and have never read it, or have read only a few verses here and there, and aren't Christians. The Bible says what it means and means what it says, but to understand God's Word, you have to know God on a personal level. His word isn't like reading a text book or a novel; each word and each sentence has such meaning that those who don't know Him, will just skim over them and never understand their fullness. Everything about God's word brings life to those who know and love him, but it will bring death to those who ignore Him.


We live in the domain of the devil. God has given him that domain, and to each of us, he gave free will to resist the devil and live as God has said. God is a God of each nation, country and nationality but He will not allow those who replace Him with statues, animals, insects or anything else to go unpunished any more than He did when the children of Israel made the golden calf and worshiped it while Moses was on the mountain getting the Ten Commandments. We have the free will to either accept what God has offered us through the blood of Jesus Christ, or to reject Him and suffer the consequences. The Bible is there to help us, not to condemn us or to scare us. But it is our decision to accept or reject. The choice is yours.

John 14:28 There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not
accept my words; that very word which I spoke will condemn him at the last day.


Jeremiah 23:29 "Is not my word like fire," declares the LORD, "and like
a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?


Psalm 10:4 In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God


Psalm 14:1 The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.


Isaiah 29:15 Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the LORD, who do their work in darkness and think, "Who sees us? Who will know?"

Beauty In Today's World

You can't pick up a magazine or turn on your TV without seeing ads for beauty. Creams, lotions, hair dyes, and make-up that will soften your skin, make you look younger, remove crows feet, give you pouty lips, make you more desirable, and in general, turn you into the person you were in your early twenties.

Why are we so stuck on our looks and the looks of others? What is wrong with growing older? After all, we are all going to get older, and those who don't, well, I hope they knew Jesus and went to Heaven. Growing older, getting older, looking older, is just a part of life and we shouldn't be ashamed to admit our age. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with exercise, diet, and being active no matter what age. Sitting around like a couch potato isn't good for anyone, but that's just good health, staying strong and vital. I'm talking about the outside appearance and the obsession we have with beauty and youth.


It is almost considered a sin to look your age these days. I think The Golden Girls was the last TV show that really portrayed older women as being vital and beautiful with gray hair, little make-up, and a few extra pounds. It's the nature of life to grow older, to gain a bit of weight after bearing children, and then having the dreaded "mid-life spread." So why doesn't TV portray older as wonderful, vital and full of life and wisdom.

I am 53 years old, and I'll be 54 in October. The last time I stressed over my age was on my 30th birthday, which seems totally ridiculous to me now. I don't mind telling my age because that's how old I am, first of all, but I'm also not ashamed of living this long, of having the wisdom and knowledge I have acquired over the many years on earth.
I've made mistakes, I've done stupid things, I've put my life in danger, and why I'm still alive can only be attributed to God loving me and having a plan for my life.

It's not that I am against using make-up, perfume, or any of the other things I've mentioned, I use some of those same things on occasion but what I am against, is making outward beauty more important than inward beauty. I see shows advertised on TV like the Bad Girls Club, Real Housewives of..., Jersey Shores, Bridezilla's, and others that are just an exercise in bad taste, bad manners, and showing off body parts. These shows seem to say, "As long as your boobs are bigger than your IQ, you can act any way you want."

I would much rather see out of shape people looking the best they can, proving that manners, politeness, and caring more about others than yourself is the best way to live. And as my younger brother once said, "You're an old girl now. You know that, right?"

Real TV

I watch a lot of "real" TV shows. These are not the "reality" TV shows, mind you, but those such as Dateline on ID, On The Case With Paula Zahn, Behind Mansion Walls, Disappeared, City Confidential (which are all old because of Paul Winfield's passing), Unusual Suspects, FBI: Criminal Pursuit, and a litany of others. It amazes me at the number of people who kill their families. Generally, it's the spouse, or the child, although parricide is much less common than spousicide but if a spouse is dead, you can bet their other half committed the crime or paid someone else to do the deed.

What I am truly amazed by is the number of incidents that occur each year. And while I don't have as much of a problem accepting men who kill their girlfriends, fiances, or wives, I am flabbergasted by the number of women who kill their husbands. Women, who are the caretakers, the givers of life, the maintainers of the home, the nurturers in the world, it somehow seems unreal when they kill. I have to wonder if this is where "women's lib" has led us? Are we so determined to be equal with men that we have taken on the traits? 

Men have been known over the centuries as warriors, the ones who run off to battle with glee, the ones who hunt and kill for sport. They are the ones who have taken contact sports to an all-time high, or low, depending on your point of view. Wrestling, boxing, football, rodeo, street fighting, and the bloodier the better. Men are the ones with the increased amounts of testosterone that leads them to pound on their chests and shout to show their machismo. Men are the ones who great one another with a punch to the shoulder, and plan tricks to watch one another get hurt, and laugh when they do. Men are the ones with the over-developed anger gene, and that contradicts the scientific reports that while women are emotional, men actually have a "logic" gene that women do not have. Accordingly, they also have the P-3000 gene that causes them to become addicted to alcohol and drugs much easier than women do, should they inherit the gene.

So, if men are the aggressive gender, why are so many more women in prison now for violent crimes? According to history, there has been some very mean ladies with blood lust, but the number of women committing violent crimes in the past twenty-five years has skyrocketed. There are currently in excess of 200,000 women behind bars in the United States, with approximately fifty-eight of those on death row, and more than one million on probation or parole. Compare that to just eight years ago, in 2004 there were an estimated 96,250 women in prison in America. It is also estimated that approximately 13% of female inmates today are under age twenty-five, which is down significantly since 1990 when 25% were females under age twenty-five. However, women age 50 and older show the greatest increase from 4% in 1990 to 19% by the end of 2011. While overall, 63% of female prisoners are serving time for violent crimes.

Reports say that the reasons for women to commit crimes is exactly the same as men. Drug addiction, poverty, spousal abuse, lack of employment, are but a few of the reasons given for committing crimes. Whereas women who kill their spouses, the reasons given are abuse, infidelity (which can be on either spouse's part), and money, or the amount of money a woman will inherit when the husband is dead.

So, while I continue to watch these shows, wondering how anyone can be so cruel to another human being, let alone the person they claimed to love, honor, and cherish. 

I guess that "till death do us part" clause just didn't come along soon enough!

What We Dislike In Ourselves...

Have you ever heard the saying, "What we dislike in others is usually what we dislike in ourselves?" It is a true saying and I've often noticed that people who tell me that so and so is such a (?), it sounds as if they are talking about themselves! Not that I'm above such things, but I do try to be self-aware and recognize that if someone is doing something that makes me not care for their presence, perhaps I need to do a little soul searching and see if there is something in me that needs to change.

I've also learned more recently that some of my old behaviors that I've diligently tried to erase, have come to the surface and it has made me feel quite small and guilty. I've been trying to deal, without much success, with the feelings of loss and anger over my daughter and her family suddenly moving to California, followed by my youngest son's move to a different part of California, and then my older son moving his family to yet another part of California. And my youngest daughter and her family moved to Texas. I have felt so alone and lonely since their departures, but especially with my older daughter's move because she and her family have lived with us over the past year and a half, and I am so attached to her children, and especially her son, who just turned a year old on May 11.

As time went by, I thought I would adjust and get over the crying binges, the anger at feeling as if they betrayed me, and the feelings of overwhelming loss of those grandbabies. Instead of prayer helping, it seemed as if every time I prayed, I only felt the loss that much more keenly. I tried keeping up with my Bible reading but the words just seemed to have no meaning. As the days and weeks passed, I became more depressed, more crying binges that lasted longer and longer, and I couldn't even have a conversation with my daughter without feeling as if I had to tell her exactly how much she had hurt me, which only angered her, and then we didn't talk at all. The more time that went without talking, the more I felt as if she and her husband didn't care at all that I was hurt and missing them and the babies. They never once said, "Mom, as soon as we have our own place, we'll make sure there's a bedroom for you and you can visit and stay as long as you like." Which they had done when their daughter was born. I went out to California when she was born, they had a room for me and said I could stay as long as I wished. Since they were staying with relatives, I didn't even think that they were mainly worried about just getting caught up on their bills, and finding their own place, and would, I'm sure, invite me to visit indefinitely once that was accomplished.

If you've read my past posts, you know I have been a mother since age sixteen, and have always had a houseful of kids and grandkids until just the past few weeks. And with my husband, Nathan, working in another state, I have been here alone except for my doggies. Although they are a great comfort, they aren't much for conversation. If you know anything about me, which would mean you've read Dancing With Bear: A Love Story, you know that the past thirteen years of my life has been tumultuous to say the least, and more than any one person should have to deal with in an entire lifetime, let alone such a short period of time. But through it all, I have tried to take it all with grace and knowledge that the Lord is in control and my life is His to do with as He pleases. However, over the past few weeks, I have been so much less than grace-full, and have been downright mean on several occasions. I've said the most awful things to Lisa, just to underscore the depth of the pain I feel.

I am writing about this now because I did call her and apologize, because she didn't deserve such an attitude from her own mother, but also because I know she is probably feeling a little lost herself right now. But the main reason I am making my deplorable actions public is because I know how God works, and I know how the enemy works. My actions have kept me from doing God's will, and that is what happens every time the enemy is allowed to horn in on our lives, no matter where we are or what we are doing.

"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

It is so easy for us to take our eyes off the Cross of our salvation, the way Peter took his eyes off Jesus while he was walking on water from the boat. (Matthew 14:28-30) We are often like Peter, full of faith one moment, and faith-less the next. We forget who the author and finisher of our faith is, we take our eyes off of Jesus, and look instead at our circumstances and see the worst. Instead of saying, "Jesus, look at our circumstances," we should be saying, "Circumstances, look at our Jesus!"

No matter how long we have been saved, or how long we've been in ministry, there comes times when we are bombarded by negative circumstances, people, and attitudes. We might not handle these situations with the grace we would like to, but the bottom line is, which side we come out of them on. Do we come out with the realization that we were wrong, and need to apologize to the person, or people, we've offended? Do we repent and ask the Lord's forgiveness and trust that He allowed the situation in order for us to learn and grow? Or do we give up and walk away, playing into the enemy's hands?

Keep praying, keep reading the Bible, keep your eyes on the prize, which is our salvation that leads to Heaven.

The Love of My Children & Myself

Over the past few weeks I have experienced an all time low, and I've been extremely depressed. My daughter, her husband, and their two children, who we have shared a home with for the past year and a half, moved to California. My granddaughter is two and a half, and my grandson turned a year old on May 11, 2012. I have lived with these two their entire lives, and I was in California with my daughter when her daughter was born. Their son was born out here and I was there then too. My grandson and I share such a close bond, I feel as if my daughter took my own child from me. And I know my grandson knew something was not right, since just before they drove away, I held him, bawling my eyes out, and he didn't squirm or move, he just laid his head on my shoulder and waited. I love that boy so much, and these weeks without him have been killing me. I cry at the thought of him, and his picture is my screensaver, so I see his cute little face every time I boot my pc or shut it down.

I don't know how to not miss him and his sister, or my daughter and her husband, who is like a son to me as well. Shortly after they moved, my youngest son also moved to California, although a different part, where his wife has been living. A week or so before that, my youngest daughter and her family moved to Texas. So I am all out of grandchildren who live nearby. And now my son, who lives in Missouri, and his family, are moving to yet another part of California. 


I have not felt like doing much lately, and really haven't done much at all. My husband also works out of state, so I have literally been home alone for several weeks. Thank goodness for my doggies, who I know will never leave me. They have been my only comfort.


This past week though, I have been watching my usual shows on TBN and the Church Channel, and one of the shows I never miss is Andrew Wommack. He has been teaching on self-centerdness (Is that a word? Oh, well), and while I have always considered myself as not being self-centered, since I've been a mother since age sixteen, and I've always had a houseful of kids to take care of, and then grandkids, and dogs, and I became a pastor and evangelist, and a drug and alcohol counselor, there have always been others to think of before myself. But as I listened to this teaching each day, I came to realize that even I am guilty of being self-centered. 


There are several other verses on this subject, but the following two are my favorites.  


"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." Matthew 16:24-25


"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20


Yet, if I believe these, and I do, then why am I suddenly doubting my sacrifice of self for the heavenly cause? Is it simply a guilty conscience due to a preacher's impassioned words, or conviction of the Holy Spirit? I had to think on these things and consider the past several weeks since my daughter and her family moved away. Of course we expect our children to grow up and move out on their own. And with my older daughter, that has happened, but she usually came home time and again after her bits of time away from home. Even after she moved away to California to be with the man she is now married to, they did move in with us when their daughter was about six or eight months old, and have been here every since. My youngest daughter never moved out for more than a few weeks at a time. Even after she married, she lived at home, while her husband lived with his mother, for about the first six months of their marriage.


Even though we expect our children to move out on their own at some point, whether to go to college, or due to marriage, or perhaps they go to work straight out of high school, as parents, we know they will move out. We also wait for those weekend visits home, and we wait for the announcements of impending parenthood from them, and then we wait for them to bring those little bundles of joy home to visit Nana and Papa, Grams and Gramps, Nanny and Poppy, Grandma and Grandpa, Granny and Grampy, or whatever term we decide our grandchildren will call us. With all of my other grandchildren, I've been pretty much the normal Nana. I send birthday and Christmas presents, wait for school pictures, feel proud when I get news of honor roll and winning sports teams, and show up for high school graduations, weddings, and other events I wouldn't miss for anything. I try not to be too invasive in my children's lives, and I try not to be too nosey in the way they raise their children, and I really try not to be critical, although I've been informed a time or two that I've stuck my nose in where it didn't belong and wasn't welcomed. Hey, I'm normal, give me a break, it wasn't as if I intended to hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone feel as if I was criticizing their parenting techniques. In all honesty, I really was trying to help. I've been there and done that and was only trying to save my child the heartache and heart break I know will come from raising their own children. 


Perhaps it is better my children are all in another state, where my presence doesn't upset or offend anyone. I can visit once or twice a year and continue with the presents and money, and otherwise stay out of their lives where I'm unwanted. Yes, it hurts my feelings. Yes, I feel as if I've been ganged up on since they all left at once. And not mentioning the fact that my youngest has moved back to town, but is apparently not speaking to me because I found out by accident that she is here, I will continue to move forward.


I try not to be self-centered. I try not to think that if I'm not involved in their lives something horrible will happen, and I am the only one who can prevent these things, or the only one who knows how to handle them. I raised kids on my own, and when you do that, you become over-involved, and you become dominant, and you think you should run everyone's lives. After all, when you've done it for so long, and they all turned out rather well, you must know what you're doing, right? Well, apparently not according to them.


So to my children, I apologize. I also promise to stay out of your lives, and I promise to quit butting in, and telling you how you should be doing things, or how I would do them differently. I have raised you to be the men and women you are, and I am proud of each one of you. Because of that I have to trust that you did listen to me at least a little bit while you were growing up and know how to raise your own kids and lead your own lives. I am also going to try and figure out how to live my life without you, which I haven't done since I was sixteen, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. I have a pretty good husband who gets me through these moments when I feel like my only purpose in life was to be your mother and Nana to your children.


I know God has another plan for my life and if I will just quit crying over losing all of you, I will probably be able to hear what that is. So yes, I have discovered that feeling this loss is a form of self-centeredness. It is something I have to come to terms with, learn how to deal with, and move past. It is another stage of my life that I have to move past, because until I do, I won't be able to move into the new stage of my life that God has planned for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I'm looking forward to those plans and the future God has in store for me. I love you all very much, but my love for God comes first, before 
you, before me, before everything. And I'm looking forward to it.

I Used To Be Awesome...

Ever have one of those days where everything is out of whack? Like nothing makes sense anymore and you're not even sure if you're awake because everything is so surreal it could just be a bad dream? That's been my week. Since my daughter and her family moved back to California, my son, Michael has indeed confirmed that he is moving to California, and my youngest son, Cody is meeting with the recruiter about going to Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan but if that doesn't work out for him, he's moving to California where his wife has been living for over a year. My husband went back to Texas to work, only to be told to come back home because the company's move from Louisiana to Texas isn't a sure thing yet, and may not happen after all.

On top of that, my sixteen-year-old granddaughter has been very ill over the past ten days or so, and my daughter has been taking her from doctor to doctor trying to find out what's wrong with her. Yesterday, Sarah had to call an ambulance to take my granddaughter back to the hospital but this time, they took her into surgery for her gall bladder. Apparently, because she is so young, no other doctor thought to  check her gall bladder. Today, she is feeling much better, even smiling for a picture. I know how worried my daughter was and being all the way out here, there was nothing I could do to help. But all's well, at least with granddaughter and she should be back on her feet in time for prom and her seventeenth birthday.

Sometimes I feel like there's a hurricane and I'm the eye--you know, the calm, quiet place in the center while everything around me is spinning out of control. Not that anyone would ever call me the calm, quiet type but sometimes I feel like everything just spins around me, and I have no control or say-so in any of it. Sometimes, being just the Nana is a terrible place to be. I guess I just haven't grown into the idea of being old, or at least the idea of being old the way my kids and grandkids see me. I see the way they roll their eyes when I say something they don't like, or something they think is old fashioned, opinionated, or just unwanted advice or ideas.

I don't quite know when this happened. I know my kids were like all kids, and couldn't wait to get out of the house and on their own. And I've seen my grandkids grow up, and the difference when they were small and I was awesome, but the older they get, the less awesome they think I am. At some point I have become my grandmother. She was the woman I loved and enjoyed seeing from time to time, but she had weird ideas, her house smelled funny, and she gave me birthday presents I would never use!

Perhaps it's just another of those crazy milestones that we all face if we live long enough. It's funny though, I still think of myself as being really cool, awesome, wise, and I can't quite figure out why my kids and grandkids don't want the benefit of all my years of living that equals all this wisdom.

Changes In My Future

As the saying goes, the one thing we can be certain of is change. It's probably one of the things I hate the most. Change is uncomfortable and it requires work on my part. Not just physical change, but the mentality that goes with the change. I have had quite  a few changes going on lately, just dropped into my lap like a bomb without notice, and I've had to adjust and accept. That isn't easy for me because I like things the way they are.

My daughter announced she and her husband were moving to California. This information was dropped on me without preamble yesterday. I woke up this morning to find them packing up their clothes and the kids getting ready to leave. "I thought you were leaving Thursday?" I said as I headed to the kitchen for coffee. "We were but Mike has to be there by eight Friday morning for a drug test." That was it, an hour later, amongst all the tears, and my 2-year-old granddaughter insisting her one-year-old brother was staying here, they were one their way to California. My day hasn't been very productive since their departure. After that, I sign in to my Face Book account to see my son, Michael, who lives in Missouri, has announced he and his family are leaving for California the end of the month. I suppose calling to let mama know would have been too much trouble. Later, my youngest son calls and says he may also be moving to California because he needs a better job and he's fed up with the one he has here.

So, these three kids of mine will all be in California, and all in different parts of California. It might seem like mom should move to California too but that would happen only over my husband's dead and rotting corpse. Having been born and raised in California, I left there for a reason and except for visits, haven't been back in nearly twenty years.

I do wonder about the timing of these moves and the connection they may have to God answering my prayers. I often tell people that you cannot remain where you are and go with God at the same time. God requires us to get up and move, to really reach out to others and to be a living, breathing, part of His plan. I have been praying about this very thing, about getting up and doing what God wants me to do. Perhaps with my children and grandchildren out of my house, I will now feel better about doing whatever it is God wants me to do. I realize I have created many excuses for staying home because Lisa was here, the babies were here, and they gave me the excuse to remain where I am.

So, whatever God has planned for my future, I am still praying but apparently have been freed up in order to move when God says, "Move!"

It Gets A Little Dusty....

Yesterday a strange thing occurred. I saw a post on Face Book about a promotions company and I contacted them. I'm always looking for new ways to promo my books and those that I publish. I looked over their site but couldn't find any pricing, so I contacted them and they sent an email saying I had to go to their form, fill it out, submit it and then they'd tell me which of their plans, including cost, would fit my book the best. I found this to be a sour taste in my mouth. Why? Because I have been in this business for many years, have dealt with numerous publicity companies and never have I seen one that wasn't up front with their pricing.

I sent the gal an email and told her I found this not to be to my liking and just wanted the pricing so I could see if her company was one I wanted to deal with. After all, if I couldn't afford her, why take up anymore of her time or mine? She was not friendly about my email, and I told her I understood that if she was dealing with new authors, that perhaps they didn't know what they needed to do but for someone like me, who is a professional author with more than 20 books out, I just wanted the pricing.

Instead of an email reply, she wrote a blog about it! Yes, she went on a tirade of about how it "happened again" that some author who was basically full of themselves.... I'm not going to quote her here, except for the "happened again" and if it "happened AGAIN" perhaps that should be a clue to her that the way she is doing business, especially since claiming she is a Christian, isn't working.

I don't go into Walmart, fill my basket with unpriced items, take them to the check-out and then find out how much things cost. No one would do that. And I don't know of any other promotions company who hides their pricing from those who wish to use their services.

Anyway, I did reply to her Face Book post that she put up inviting others to read her blog and told her she wrote a nice article but she did fail to mention that any time you point a finger at someone, three are pointing back, and perhaps the thing we dislike in others is that which we dislike in ourselves.

The funny thing is that earlier in the day someone else had posted about the back-stabbing that goes on with some authors. I replied that since I had gotten out of the smut writing business, I hadn't had that problem. I guess it was God's way of showing me that no matter where we are, we have to watch others, even those who claim to be Christian. The Bible says to test those against the word. If someone claims to be one thing but acts another way, especially Christians, then we need to walk away from them. Shake the dust from our sandals, as it were.


Luke 10:11 'Even the dust of your town that sticks to our feet we wipe off against you. Yet be sure of this: The kingdom of God is near.'

Communicating With God

I am a born again Christian although I don't claim a "religion." In my opinion, religion is something people do to get noticed by others, or to control others. I believe in the Bible and that it is the divine word of God, given to man for living the way we should. I believe that God is who He says He is, that Christ died on the cross for my sins, and was raised on the third day, and now sits on the right hand of God in Heaven. I believe Christ will return and all of those who have accepted Him as their Savior will rule and reign with Him in the new Jerusalem. I believe the Bible says what it means and means what it says, and that it is a light to those who have accepted Christ as their Savior and darkness to those who haven't. I believe only a fool says there is no God and those who die without accepting Christ as their Savior will go to Hell.

I believe no person needs to go through a priest or any other human being to have direct contact with Jesus. I also believe that praying to "saints" or to the "virgin Mary" is no different than praying to a brick wall. Mary was the virgin who conceived through the Holy Spirit and gave birth to our Savior Jesus Christ, but afterward she was a wife like any other wife and went on to have relations with Joseph and gave birth to other children. All of this is in the Bible but you have to read it in order to know it.

In the Name of Jesus we all have access to God, to life everlasting, and I hope those who think the Bible is "confusing and too difficult to understand" (as a proclaimed female ordained minister stated), will accept Jesus as their Savior and allow the Lord to make His Word a light unto their path.

It's very simple and if you are sincere and repent of your sins, ask Jesus to cleanse your sins and live within you as your Savior, He will.

Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner and I have not lived my life for You. I ask Your forgiveness and I ask You to cleanse my sins and show me how to live for You. In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen.

Yes, it is that easy. And I hope, if you've prayed this prayer, you will let me know. I would love to continue to hold you up in prayer each day while you are learning to walk in His footsteps. I also have a gift for you if you have said this prayer and send me an email at dancingwithbear at gmail dot com.

God bless you,
Marie

Dancing With Bear: A Love Story

     Dancing With Bear Publishing began in honor of my late husband, J. Bear Marler, who passed from this life 12/18/2010.
     Although I had been writing erotic romance and not living the way I knew God wanted me to, I sold out for a publishing contract.
     That first contract led to many others with several different publishers, and although I have since requested those publishers to release me from the contracts, most refused. So I have removed all evidence of those books from my websites, blogs, and other pages in the hopes that a lack of publicity would also be a lack of sales, and thereby encourage those publishers to release me from the contracts I have.
     After writing A Love Story, which I self-published, I began a spiritual journey back to the place God wanted me to be, and I opened the virtual doors of Dancing With Bear Publishing to help others realize their dream of publication. I put out a call for "clean" reads and had so many submissions, I had to close the submission call after only one month, I still was not where God wanted me with the publishing company.
     God did not call me to publish "clean" reads, He called me to use my writing talent to glorify Him, and to publish work that also glorified Him. Since then, I have published When God Talks, It's Time To Listen, and Comfort & Joy book one: forgiveness. The submissions call is once again open but the guidelines are very strict in what will be accepted. Dancing With Bear Publishing now only accepts godly material, whether non-fiction or fiction, as well as books with strong moral story lines in our children's department.
     I feel such a sense of peace now that I am in line with what God wants from me, and using my talent to glorify His Son Jesus Christ. I pray that everything produced within DWB Publishing is a blessing to others and will draw people to the Lord in humility, for the forgiveness of sin.
     God bless and keep each and everyone who reads this blog. I pray for your salvation, your healing, and for the blessings of Heaven to be poured out upon you.