Where Is God?

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning, great is Your faithfulness.”

~Lamentations 3:22-23

Where is God when you’ve prayed for over 30 years for healing and it doesn’t come? Where is God when the pain is so bad all you can do is cry? Where is God when your heart is broken into so many pieces that Humpty Dumpty looks whole? Where is God when you are crying out to Him in sheer agony? And what purpose does it serve to allow someone to live in writhing pain, whether physical or emotional? I’ve been asking myself these questions a lot lately.

I’ve come to a place in life where I have to depend on the Lord to get through life minute by minute. I have to depend on the Lord in order to get out of bed, to sit, to bend, to walk. I was born with a degenerative bone disease that has destroyed my joints, wrecked my spine, and causes so much pain, some days I literally lay in bed and cry. I’ve been seeing doctors for over 30 years, and I’ve had several surgeries, which I am grateful for. Even though there’s pain, I’m not in a wheelchair anymore. However, recently, I went to the doctor and was told that outside of injections for some measure of pain relief, there is nothing else that can be done. At some point, it will degenerate to where I will be in a wheelchair once again. Not the news I wanted to hear but also not completely unexpected either.

It’s difficult to understand when prayers go unanswered, especially when the Bible clearly tells us that by Christ’s stripes, we are healed (Isaiah 53:5). I probably pray for answers to my questions as much as I pray for healing. Why? Why? Why? Sometimes, that’s the only prayer I can pray. “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). And it is but I still have moments when it hurts so bad, God’s grace and mercy feels very far off. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it shall be opened (Matthew 7:7-8).” I’ve been asking, seeking and knocking an awfully long time but healing has not come.

Praying about these two verses, I told the Lord I feel as if “everyone” doesn’t include me. Isn’t my faith big enough? I know it’s the size of a mustard seed at least! So why has my asking, seeking and knocking gone unanswered? It hasn’t, not really. I asked for salvation and it was given to me. I sought the Lord and He is with me. I knocked on the door of Heaven, and I’ve been invited in. That is much more important than my physical condition. He provides for me the strength to get through each moment as it comes. He knows what I have need of at every moment of my life and meets me at each need. Dependence upon the Lord is an essential part of growing in Christ, of becoming like Him, and of looking toward the heavenly rather than the earthly.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song, I praise Him (Psalm 28:7).”

“Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress (Isaiah 33:2).”

And above all –

“I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being (Ephesians 3:16).”