Loss & Grief

“His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor His pleasure in the legs of a man, but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His steadfast love.”

~Psalm 147:10-11

There are certain times in our lives when we reflect on the events of life that have defined us—some good, some not so good but no matter what they are, they have been the game changers for us. I’ve had a lot of those in my life and I’ve learned to make sense of most of them and then put them away in the “over and done with” file in my mind. On occasion, something will come up that cracks that file open and like rubberneckers at a car wreck, I have to go back and take a look—even when good sense is telling me to slam that drawer shut and walk away. I still have to look and pick at a scab until it bleeds again. Even though I know I’d be better off not rehashing those things, it’s part of the grief process.

We grieve over the things we’ve lost in life even if we don’t realize it, and grief, while it lessens with time, never really stops. It’s an ongoing process that can come up at any time and if we don’t recognize it for what it is, we can experience waves of varied emotions from depression to anger. Learning to deal with grief is a lifelong process but first, we have to recognize it for what it is and accept that we must go through the process in order to walk out the other side. Getting stuck in grief is not a good place to be and has its own consequences that can be terminal and lead to mental disorders, complete breakdowns, and suicide.

Elisabeth Kubler Ross defined the stages of grief as 1) denial 2) anger 3) bargaining 4) depression 5) acceptance. These stages help us put a name to what we are feeling when we experience loss, whether the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, lifestyle, home, marriage, or anything that was part of who we are and what we believed defined us. There is no timeline for any of the stages, and often we feel more than one at a time. We can also go from one stage to another and then back again. There is no “order” or amount of time that is “normal” for any particular stage of the grieving process.

Sometimes, especially when things seem to be going well and we think we’ve got a handle on our emotions, and we’ve pulled ourselves through the going through, we can suddenly be pulled back into one of the stages of grief. A loss experienced by someone we know, a particular date, a certain place, or even the wafting of a scent on the air can hurtle us back in time to our own place of grief. We can suddenly be back in the grieving process, flooded with emotions we thought we had dealt with. Recognizing what we are feeling and why is important to walking through each emotion and being able to put it back into the “over and done with” file. This can take days or weeks, or even longer but as long as we are processing the feelings and not getting stuck in them, we are on the right track.

It is important, whether it’s you or someone you know, who is experiencing grief, to know how to help. 1) Acknowledge the reason for your emotions 2) Talk to someone or be an active listener—advice is not always necessary or welcome but having someone really listen can be one of the greatest helps 3) Don’t isolate—being alone in your own mind can be a dangerous place to hang out. Being present for someone else can be all they need as well. 4) Understand that grieving can be a long process and there is no time limit on emotions, yours or someone else’s. 5) Understand that grief emotions can come up at any time. There is no correlation between the amount of time since the loss occurred and the current emotions.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).”

 Read Ezra 5-7

 ©2018 Marie McGaha

Where's The Rewind Button?

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” 

~Romans 12:9-10

There is no respect left in this world. When I was a kid, we were taught to respect ourselves, others, especially our elders, and those who were less fortunate than us. We didn’t talk back to our parents, at least not without getting our mouths slapped, we behaved in school, and we didn’t make fun of people who were different either in dress, culture, or because of disabilities. I raised my kids to be respectful of others and to keep their thoughts to themselves. No matter if they liked what someone wore, said or did, they were taught that just because you disagree with someone, doesn’t mean you have to call them names or make them feel stupid. Not so in today’s world.

I feel like I’ve stepped through the looking glass into a parody of the world I grew up in, even the world my kids grew up in. The world my grandchildren are growing up in is so foreign to me that I’m not sure how to navigate it. And I certainly don’t like it. We are all in this thing called life together. We have the same basic needs, wants and desires. We have the same hopes, dreams, and fears. Yet, to me, it seems as if everything is just a little off kilter, like its all tipped sideways and I don’t know how to set it upright, or if it’s even possible to be set upright.

Jesus Christ taught us to love one another, to respect each other, and to show that love and respect openly by honoring one another in all that we say and do. He taught us to care for the poor, weak, and less fortunate, and to be generous to those in need. He taught that a kind word goes a lot farther than a harsh one, and that love covers a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8).

Philippians 2:4

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Ephesians 4:32

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

1 John 3:17-18

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

Proverbs 21:13 

Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself call out and not be answered.

1 Timothy 5:8

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Galatians 6:9-10

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Matthew 25:40

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Proverbs 28:27

Whoever gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse.

I want to hit the rewind button and go back to a simpler time when the world made sense but when I look backwards, I see how the world was headed toward the way it is today all along. There is no going back, all we can do is govern ourselves, our mouths, our actions, and look to the Lord for guidance and comfort and pray for the day He returns to set it all right again.

Read Ezra 1-4

Barking Dogs

^“Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

~Romans 12:17-18

When I moved to Idaho to help my daughter with her children, I lived with her family and later, got a house near them. I have never liked living in town and it’s been an adjustment having moved from our little farm on 400 acres. My dogs like it even less than I do. They have been able to run, go swimming, and hunt rabbits and deer all their lives. Now, they are inside most of the time and when they go out, it’s to a tiny yard. They aren’t used to the noise, the cars, the kids screaming as they ride their bikes, or other dogs barking in the distance. Frankly, neither am I.

Yesterday, however, was the topper—someone called the cops because my dogs were barking while I was gone, and the Chief of Police came out to chat. I’m sure he had better things to do than talk to me about barking dogs but at least he was nice. Of course, he didn’t tell me who called but I have an idea. Everything in me wants to go knock on a door and ask but I’m an adult, and it wasn’t really a big deal in the light of day. What bothers me most is that they could have waited until I was home and came to talk to me. That’s how we handle things back home.

“Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled (Hebrews 12:14-15).”

It’s not easy to live with humans, especially when we are forced to live in such close proximity that we can hear everything they do. We know when they go to work, when they get home, what time they cook dinner, and everything else that goes on. Humans are noisy, messy, busybodies that can’t walk to the mailbox without checking out other houses on the way. Trying to live peaceably among other people is something we have yet to achieve, but it is something we are instructed to do. I have had to exercise a lot of patience since moving to Idaho. The things I’m not used to, like people, traffic, lawnmowers and weed eaters running from morning to night, make me want to run back home. Instead, I have adopted a practice of telling myself, “Practice patience, practice patience, practice patience,” as many times as necessary until I’m either calm or start laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. Because we all know that hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace (Proverbs 15:18).

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another (Galatians 5:22-26).”

Read 2 Chronicles 31-36

©2018 Marie McGaha

Keys Of Heaven

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).”

There is no set of circumstances that does not require prayer. Whether we are distressed, at our wits end, crushed, stressed, happy, sad, in good health or bad, it is always the right time to pray. But prayer is more than just offering up a quick thank you for what God has done for us, and more than asking for a new job, house, car, or health for our kids or spouse. Prayer is to be an intimate part of our daily lives where we seek God not for what He can do for us, but for what He has already done; for our very lives; for Jesus Christ’s work on the Cross; for waking up every morning drawing a new breath; and for His tender mercies, which are new every day. We are to pray in all circumstances, at all times, without ceasing.

But how do we get to the point where prayer is natural and comes without effort? There is one main idea, and that is to know Jesus Christ as our personal Savior. Until we have made that decision, our prayers are fleeting and without meaning. We have to understand the person of Jesus Christ, who He is and what He’s done for us before we can fully understand the intimacy of prayer. We have to first accept Christ as our Savior, ask Him to forgive our sins and to live in our hearts; when that prayer is finished, we are forgiven immediately and the Holy Spirit is given to us as our guide to show us the way to walk. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have to study the Bible, go to church, and learn as much as we can. Salvation is an ongoing process that requires us to put effort into our Christian walk so that we grow and mature in the Word of God. One way we grow closer to God is by learning His Word, committing verses to memory, and knowing where to turn to in the Bible when we need words of encouragement.

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12).”

Praying according to the Word of God is essential to a successful prayer life. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God (John 1:1).” When Jesus spoke, He quoted Scripture. When He was tempted in the desert, He quoted Scripture in response to everything the devil offered Him. When He spoke in the Temple, He quoted Scripture. Even though He was God incarnate, and He could call down the angels from Heaven, Jesus quoted Scripture. When Jesus prayed, He addressed God as “Father” and thanked Him for all circumstances. When Jesus was crucified, He did not ask God to get even or to punish those who had beaten him and hung Him on the Cross. Instead, He asked God to forgive them. Jesus was never selfish in His prayer life. Everything He asked God for was to benefit mankind, which includes you and me.

^“In Him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in Him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it to the praise of His glory. For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers (Ephesians 1:13-16).”

(Excerpt from Keys Of Heaven by Marie McGaha ©2018; Coming from Dancing With Bear Publishing, Fall 2018)

Read 2 Chronicles 26-30

When God Hears Me

“We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him.”
~John 9:31

While researching today’s topic, I ran across a post by a young lady who read this verse and said she was now “scared” because everything she had read about God was that He loves us, so if this verse is true, she didn’t know what would happen to her soul when she died. Honestly, I kind of chuckled over the post but as I began to think about her words, it occurred to me that she’s really confused over who God is, what He’s all about and why Jesus came to earth. Many years ago, someone told me of a vision (attributed to Rick Joyner, however, I can’t confirm) about prayers being arrows shot toward Heaven. The prayers of the saints (those who know Jesus as their Savior) were collected by an angel and put into his quiver, but those prayed by sinners where deflected by the angel’s shield and sent hurling into space. That analogy has stuck with me all this time, and it illustrates the verse in John.  God hears our prayers when we 1) have accepted Christ as our Savior 2) pray with right motives 3) pray according to His will 4) our prayers line up with Scripture.

“You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God (James 4:2-4).”

It’s been my experience that enemies don’t want to do things for you. In fact, enemies don’t want you involved in their lives in any way at all. When we choose to live in the world, with all it’s corruption, we are telling God that we choose to be His enemies. Yet, when things go wrong, we still want God to fix it for us, or we want to blame Him. You can’t ride two horses with one saddle, folks. You either choose the world and all its lusts, or you choose God and all His blessings. You can’t have it both ways. When you choose an action, you are also choosing the consequences. Follow the ways of this world, you go to hell. Follow Jesus Christ and you reap His many blessings, including Heaven.

“So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.  As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ (1 Peter 2:1-5).”

1) Accept Christ as your Savior
2) Pray with right motives
3) Pray according to God’s will
4) Align your heart with Scripture, the heart of God

When people try to walk the fence between this world and a life with Christ, they are going to fall, and usually, it’s on the side of the world. We have to make choices in life every single day, and that includes life and death, Heaven or hell, Jesus or satan. When you choose the world, you are choosing death, hell, and satan. God loves us, He is always waiting on us to choose Him, but until we do, our prayers will not be answered.

Read 2 Chronicles 16-20
Weekend Reading 2 Chronicles 21-25

©2018 Marie McGaha

Old Cars

“For thus says the High and Lofty One Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.’”

~Psalm 57:15

I love old cars. There’s just something about the rounded fenders, bulky bodies, roomy interiors that appeals to me. Unlike today’s cars that are all so generic you can’t tell one model from another. My favorite car is a 1957 Chevy. I often see old cars sitting in yards or lots, they’re rusted out with flat tires and oxidized paint. They look terrible and it makes me sad because I know what they looked like when they came off the assembly line. But every now and then, I’ll see one on blocks in someone’s driveway that’s being restored, and it gives me a thrill to know that car is going to be shiny and beautiful again. We’re kind of like those old cars—no matter how we exercise or eat right, we still age and our bodies break down. We’re really just a bunch of old Chevy’s in the junkyard of life. But we have an advantage, we don’t have to sit and rust, we can be recycled into someone shiny and new too.

There’s a lot of stress and pressure in today’s world, and it’s easy to feel like a generic model that looks, dresses, and acts like every other model around us. Striving to be noticed can be a lot of unnecessary work when our goal is to impress someone like a boss or someone else that we feel has a higher station in life than we do. On every level, the world says we have to be better than someone else, we have to earn more, have more, be more, do more, and if we don’t, there’s something wrong with us and we’re not worth noticing. We even get caught up with that idea in our own heads, setting goals that we can’t attain and then beat ourselves up because we can’t. It causes discourse in every area of life and leads to a myriad of health problems like high blood pressure, but it also leads to mental health problems like depression and suicide. A recent report states that 13% of the population ages 12 and over is taking antidepressants, and 68% of those have taken the drugs for ten years or longer. However, that number is small compared to the 94% of the population who report having stress related health problems.

^“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).”

Yokes aren’t used much these days but in ancient times, they were heavy wooden implements that were used to team up oxen for heavy work, like plowing, pulling wagons, and other work that was too much for a human being. Stress and worry are a yoke that is too much for humans to bear. We all need rest, not just physical rest but mental rest. When we get mentally weary, we begin to lose hope and that’s when depression sets in. It can come from doing too much, worrying too much, berating ourselves for not achieving what we think we should, from taking the words of others to heart, and from having unrealistic expectations. But Jesus says if we come to Him, He will give us that rest. First, we must come to Him. That means we accept who He is as being absolute truth. Second, we take His yoke upon us, or we exchange yokes. Ours is heavy and wearisome, His is light and easy. Third, we learn from Him. Exchanging our knowledge of this life for His knowledge is a burden-lifting, stress-reducing, spirit-elevating event that leaves us feeling freer than we ever have before. Jesus can take any old jalopy and make it brand new again!

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid (John 14:27).”

Read 2 Chronicles 11-15 

©2018 Marie McGaha

Crossing Lines

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.”

~Colossians 3:1-4

I was thinking about lines the other day while driving down the road on the big truck with my husband. Our entire lives are dictated by lines—lines on the roads we drive, lines at the business we patronize, lines we can see and those we can’t. “Girl, you’ve crossed the line this time,” was my dad’s favorite saying. When I was younger, that always confused me because I had no idea what line he was talking about. However, as I got older, I crossed so many lines that if they were visible, the path behind me would look like some artist went crazy! 

However, for the past 30+ years, I’ve walked a relatively straight line, doing what I’m supposed to do and being the kind of woman that makes God proud. Don’t get me wrong, I still cross lines that perhaps other people don’t approve of, and I say things that tend to shock people, but I’m a plain-spoken person. I don’t mince words or say things just to make people feel better. And mostly, I do not care what people think about me; I am not in this world to please people. I am here to please God by serving others, which I sincerely try to do every single day. Do I feel as if I do that every day? Absolutely not. But I get up every morning and start over again because my hope lies within Jesus Christ, not within my own capabilities.

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator.  Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all (Colossians 3:5-11).”

“In these too you once walked…” We all walk in evil ways until we come to the knowledge of who Christ is and what He can do to change our lives, and then we put off “the old self,” which is our sinful ways, and “put on the new self,” which is Christ in us. It doesn’t seem possible at times that Christ could possibly love us even in our sins and want us to be part of His heavenly Kingdom. When we know how wrong our lives are, how wrong our thinking is, how wrong our hearts are, it seems impossible that life can change into something wonderful and worthwhile.

I think about Christ on the Cross and the moment everything went dark for three hours (Mark 15:33). That was the moment Father God turned away. That was the moment Christ knew what it was like to be a sinner because every sin that could ever be committed was fully on Him. Christ, the perfect, sinless Lamb of God, knew exactly what it was like to cross every line we could ever imagine, and some we can’t. God cannot look on sin, and because His Son was covered in our filth, He looked away and darkness fell. That’s what sin is—pure darkness. It covers our hearts and minds and prevents us from seeing that which is pure light.

Imagine life as a two-lane road, with a broken white line down the middle. Anyone who’s ever driven a car knows that a solid line is one you can’t cross to pass other cars, you have to wait for the broken line. Our lives are one big line too, and we choose which lane we’re going to travel in. Sin is the solid line that keeps us in one lane but when we are broken and come to the knowledge that sin is killing us, it’s then that we can cross that line into the arms of Jesus Christ.

^“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him (Colossians 3:12-17).”

Read 2 Chronicles 6-10

© 2018 Marie McGaha