Wives, Submit! Really?

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
~Ephesians 5:22

This is probably the most unpopular verse in the Bible for women, and one of the most abused by men. What does submitting to your husband mean? Is this just a way for men to control women? Before you decide the Bible is anti-female, let me assure you, it's not. In fact, this verse doesn't mean what most people think it does, and it is most definitely not intended to be used as an excuse for men to run roughshod over women.

In everything that God does, there is an order. There's an order in the church -- Christ is head of the church, a pastor is second-in-command, followed by the associate pastor, and then any others, such as deacons or whatever an individual church calls their support ministry. Every person in a church is subject to their pastor, who is subject to God. However, the pastor is also subject to his congregation in the sense that if a pastor is stepping outside of biblical parameters for his position, the church body has a responsibility to say something to ensure the integrity of the church.

As a whole, society is built on the same order as the church. We have a government that is responsible for the nation, with individual state governments, county governments, city and local governments that are all responsible for the people of that area. Each of us are subject to local, state, and federal laws. All of these are designed to keep peace and order for the citizens, and to ensure our individual liberties and protection as human beings.

But order and peace begin within the home. Without biblical order in the home, we find that the family begins to deteriorate, children become unruly, and we see that happening more and more. Women are becoming the heads of households, and are single parents raising and trying to support their children on their own. This was not God's design for the home.

God's design is for a godly home, where parents are devoted to Jesus Christ, and put Jesus as head of their own lives first. In a godly home the husband is the head of the family. This does not mean the husband is to dominate his wife and children, but that he is submitted to, and under the rule of, Jesus Christ. It means he is responsible for his family's support, care, and welfare, and he answers to God for his family.

A man is to "cleave" to his wife (Genesis 2:24). In other words, they are to be glued together. They are to be "one flesh" (Mark 10:8), and are to consider their bodies as belonging to the other spouse (1 Corinthians 7:4).

As the husband submits himself to Jesus Christ as Lord of his life, he is under the protection of God. In the same way, when women submit to their husbands, they come under his protection. When it's storming out, we put on our jackets and get out the umbrella to be protected from the elements. In the same way, when we submit, we come under the umbrella of the protection of our husbands who are under the umbrella of protection of God.

This is why it is so important to make sure that we marry a godly man. We are to wait for the Lord to bring us our husbands. But even men who are in the church are not always what they seem, so we have to enter into these relationships with prayer, godly advice, and the assurance that the person we are about to marry for life is truly the person God wants us to marry for life.

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14).

In the same way, men must choose their wives through prayer and godly counsel because "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife (Proverbs 25:24)".

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?"
~Luke 12:25

We worry. A lot. People worry about their spouses, kids, jobs, bills, their health, car repairs, getting someplace on time...and the list goes on. In fact, studies show we spend nearly seven years of our lives worrying!

According to WebMD, excessive worrying causes a host of physical and psychological problems such as high anxiety and social disorders. Anxiety releases cortisol and triglycerides into the bloodstream, which raises blood sugar levels. In turn, these stressors can cause irritability, headaches, naseau, muscle tension, short term memory loss, digestive issues, coronary artery disease, and even heart attacks. So instead of solving anything by worrying, we actually create new problems.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? (Matthew 6:25)."

Jesus tells us not to worry about our daily lives because there is much more to life than our physical needs. Our spiritual lives need to be fed much more than our physical.  'Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty" (John 6:35).'

Our lives, apart from Jesus become unmanageable. We begin to worry about things that we either can control, cannot control, or try to control. Our worry leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to more and more stress, which leads to depression and on to a host of physical and mental ailments, until eventually, worry has taken over our lives, yet our lives have not changed.

On the other hand, a life that blossoms out of our relationship with Jesus Christ is free from worry, free from stress, and free from anxiety. Our health flourishes, our lives flourish, and we have all that we need both physically and emotionally.

In this world there is enough trouble to last a lifetime -- several lifetimes -- and worrying about it isn't going to change any of it. When we truly believe that God is in control, then we will know that there is nothing here to worry about and we will have peace in our lives that can only come from Jesus Christ.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid (John 14:27)."

Soul Ties

"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."
~1 Thessalonians 5:23

The words "soul ties" does not actually appear in the Bible and it is a concept that has come from the human mind. However, there is enough biblical evidence to back up the idea. When we join ourselves to another person, especially sexually, we become tied, in an emotional sense, to that person, even after the relationship has ended.

God created us to be with one man or one woman, depending on our gender, for the rest of our lives. We were not intended to have multiple partners. We were not intended to go from person to person looking for the "perfect" relationship, and we were not intended to have multiple sexual partners prior to marriage.

We were intended to keep ourselves pure physically and emotionally, so that when we meet the one that God prepared for us, we would come to that person the same way that the church will come to Jesus Christ -- without spot or wrinkle.

We continue to have emotional attachments to a person that we've had a relationship with even after the relationship ends. Whether it was a one-night stand or a short-term relationship, there is no ending of the emotional tie that remains in our minds and hearts even years after it occurs.

When sexual intimacy occurs between a man and a woman a soul-tie is created. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24)." We become one with the person that we have sexual intimacy with, and along with the sexual connection comes an emotional connection. It's much easier to sever that fleshly connection then it is to sever the emotional connection. And we see the disastrous results years later.

Not only do these connections last for years and cause emotional upheaval for us, it is passed on to the next generation. Children who are born out of wedlock by fathers who are absent suffer emotional problems that come from the absence of that parent.

1 Corinthians 6:16 warns us against casual sexual encounters -- 'Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.”'

Sexual immorality is one of the leading causes of divorce. It is, in my opinion, the leading sin in the world. We see sex glorified in movies, TV shows, commercials, music, and videos. Everything around us is based on sex, and we are being enticed to buy products using sex, or enticed to go to certain places using sex in the advertisements. Everything in this world is based on sexual enticement.

However, the Bible tells us to "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body (1 Corinthians 6:18)."

So much of our heartaches comes from what we do with our bodies. So many diseases are a transmitted because of what we do with our bodies. But the Bible tells us that our bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit and we are to treat them as such (1 Corinthians 6:19).

We were designed for Heaven not for hell. The lies of satan abound in this world but the truth of God remains the same and is available for us in His word.

Obey Your Parents

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
~Colossians 3:20

It's a different world than the one I was raised in. When I was growing up there were rules and we followed them. There was no doubt about what would happen if we disobeyed mama or daddy. And I raised my children to obey and to follow the rules, and to hopefully become good citizens of the world. But things are no longer that way. Daily, we see parents and children who are at odds. We see parents who say they cannot control their children. We see children who are arrested for violent crimes at very early ages. We see more and more children being introduced to the penal system. We see teen pregnancy on the rise, teen drug abuse, teen violence, and more teens totally out of control. And these are the future adults of the world.

What has happened to our children? The same thing that has happened to the adults in this world. We took God out of the homes, we took God out of the workplace, we took God out of the schools, we took God out of the government, and now we are living with those dire results.

We are incapable of governing ourselves, our land, or our children without the word of God. An ungodly government leads to ungodly citizens. Human beings were never meant to live apart from God. We were created in God's image as part of His grand plan. When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, they brought sin to all future generations. Unable to cope with the sin problem, God sent us the solution -- Jesus Christ.

Whether or not we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior has no bearing on the fact that He is there for us. If we want to see our land healed, our families healed, our children under control, our marriages healed, and our lives on track the way God intended them to be, we have no choice but to accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.

Ephesians 6:1-3 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."

The promise of a good life begins in childhood. We must have godly parents to raise godly children. And if we are going to have any hope for peace, and a future for our grandchildren, we must all turn to God so that He can heal our land.

"...if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land (2 Chronicles 7:14)."

Husbands, Love Your Wives

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her ~Ephesians 5:25

I've always found it amusing that in the Bible wives are not once commanded to love their husbands; they are commanded to show respect for their husbands. On the other hand, husbands are commanded to love their wives. Not just love as in having feelings of affection for, but to love her the way that Christ loved the church. An all encompassing, sacrificial love - agape love.

In a biblical view of marriage, a man has an enormous job as husband. He is to be head of his household the way that Christ is head of the church. He is to be the leader of the wife and the children. Not just in a sense that he has to work and support them, which he is commanded to do as well, he is to be a Christian leader and to teach his children the ways of the Lord, and make sure they grow up with a biblical view of life honoring the Lord God. He is to be a shining example of Christian love, and a shining example of a Biblical husband to his wife. He is to be an outstanding member of society and the church; a man that other men look to for direction and to emulate as a husband.

In 1 Timothy 3 there is a list of qualifications for men to oversee the church. It begins with "he must be the husband of one wife" then continues:
temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well (vv. 2-4). These are the qualifications a man must have in his own home before he is able to hold any position in church.

This seems like a contradiction to everything that we see going on in the world because everything from God is absolutely contradictory to everything of the world. God has a plan and an order for our lives, including our married lives. When we step out of God's will and into the lies of the world, we can see the reason for divorce, domestic violence, child abuse, drug addiction, and alcoholism.

God does not allow for a man to be violent for any reason, especially not with his wife and children (Colossians 3:19, 21). Domestic violence is one of the only two reasons allowed for divorce. A man must also support his family. In today's society, that seems to be lost on a good majority of men. 1 Timothy 5:8 says a man who doesn't support his family is "worse than an unbeliever."

Being a husband and father is a huge job filled with immense responsibility. Neither role is to be entered into lightly or without the knowledge that it is a commitment to the Lord for life.

An Excellent Woman

"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."
~Proverbs 31:29

The wife in Proverbs 31:10-31 seems like a whole lotta woman to live up to. In fact, she seems perfect. She appears to be some kind of superwoman with a clean house, perfect hair, make-up and nails, with kids who obey and never try to kill one another, and a perfect marriage to boot. Definitely a woman I've never met.

The Proverbs woman has been used as a measuring stick for women in church for as long as I can remember. As a younger woman, I used to scoff at the idea of this wife because she is so seemingly perfect and who can be perfect? Definitely a woman conceived in a male mind. But as I've aged, I see the usefulness of studying this woman. She has much to teach us.

The Proverbs woman is a loyal, faithful wife. She supports her husband in his ministry and his life. She is a good mother who raises her children to love God, and to honor their parents. She is kind, friendly, and generous. She is a working woman who contributes to society and helps build her family's security. She is really no different than you or me.

No matter what goes on in the world around us, God's word is unchanging. His expectations of us, whether male or female, are exactly the same now as they were when written. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 14:8).

Life around us is crazy, messy, and lately, seemingly out of control. It's like a hurricane or tornado that spins wildly, destroying everything in its path but in eye of the storm, it's silent and calm. Jesus is like that. No matter how life may spin out of control, if Christ is our center, we will experience peace and calm.

As women, we have an immense calling on our lives. We bear the brunt of raising children, keeping the home, cooking, cleaning, managing household affairs, caring for a husband and working full-time jobs. It's a heavy load with immense responsibility. At times it can also seem as if we carry that load alone. At times, I am convinced the author was right when he wrote, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Sometimes, it's as if my husband and I speak different languages.

But God made us differently for a reason. We have our own skill sets as women, and our own talents as individuals. We are all the woman in Proverbs 31 because that is who God designed us to be - strong, wise, diligent, smart, educated, efficient, skillful daughters of the King.

Open Marriage Part 2

“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered."
~1 Peter 3:7

Marriage is ordained by God. He is a family man and our marriages are important to Him. While there is nothing wrong with being single (1 Corinthians 7:7, Matthew 19:11), marriage was designed for procreation and to keep people from sexual sin. Marriage is a special covenant between a man and a woman with God that is a lifetime commitment. With the exception of violence (1 Corinthians 7:15) and infidelity (Matthew 5:31-32), there is no excuse for divorce. Even those who are a Christian and marry a non-Christian, or a spouse who becomes a Christian during the marriage while the other spouse remains a non-Christian, has no excuse for divorce (1 Corinthians 7:15-16).

However, the current divorce rate is about 53%, even among professing Christians and those who attend church regularly. Why is this? Quite simply - satan. That may seem like a cop-out to some but when examining marriage from a biblical view, we see that everything God ordains as being holy and good is fiercely opposed by the devil. He does not want us to succeed in our walk with God and our marriages and families become prime targets. Remaining firmly planted in the Word of God, seeing the world from a godly perspective, and living out our lives in a manner pleasing to God are the first steps to ensuring our marriages last a lifetime.

"A new command I give you, love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34 NIV)."
The love of God is call "Agape" love. This is a deep, abiding love that surpasses all other types of love. It is a love that overlooks the faults of others and accepts them fully. This is the love Christ has for each of us. The love that led Him to the Cross to give His life so that our sins will not be held against us. It is the love that purchased our souls from hell and allows us entrance to Heaven. When we fully understand the love of God for us, we see that it is much more than the love we know from our own experiences.

There are two other types of love in the Bible. "Phileo" love is the love of friends. The type of love we have for our best friend, our parents, siblings and others. The other type of love is "eros" love. This is sexual love, desire, or lust. It is the type of love most closely associated with an intimate relationship. Having both types of love for our spouses is important. But to have a marriage that endures, we must also love our spouses with the same love God loves us, that is Agape love. This is a sacrificial love. It never asks, "What's in it for me?" Agape love is an action, not a feeling. It is what we do, what we say, how we act with our spouse. It is putting that person ahead of our own needs, and it is acting in love even when the other person has made us angry or isn't acting in a loving manner toward us.

It can be very easy to react in a like manner to someone who is being loud, insulting, angry or otherwise hurtful. But that isn't how God tells us to respond. We are to love one another (John 15:12-13), to show our love (Romans 5:8) for one another, and to do no wrong to another person (Romans 13:10), no matter how they are treating us. That doesn't mean we have to cower and take abuse, but we are not to repay wrong for wrong (1 Peter 3:9).

Marriage is a blessing from God that gives us a partner to help us through this thing called life. When approached in a manner worthy of our calling in Christ Jesus, our marriages will be as loving and fulfilling on the last day of our lives as on the wedding day.