Through The Pain of Suicide

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

~Jeremiah 17:7-8

When someone commits suicide, it leaves family and friends dumbfounded. Not only do we feel the grief of a death, but the questions that follow can make life unbearable. The greatest question is usually, “why didn’t I see this coming?” We feel as if we should have known, should have been able to see it, should have been able to do something to stop it, in short, we feel guilt and responsibility for a death caused by suicide. On top of that, we fear the worst has happened, our loved one has not only killed themselves, they’ve committed their souls to hell. How do we come to terms with a death by suicide? How do we go on living with the knowledge that our loved one didn’t feel they could come to us with their problems and felt as if death was a better option? How do we continue in our faith when we are led to believe that suicide is an automatic ticket to hell? How do we believe in God after suicide?

To be sure, I don’t have all the answers but having dealt with my daughter’s suicide, I have experienced the emotions, fears, and questions that go with it. First, I can say that all my questions have not been answered, even though it’s been nearly 27 years. I still don’t have the answers to why—why didn’t she come to me? Why didn’t she go to her older siblings? Why did she think death was a better option than living? In the early days following her death, those questions almost drove me out of my mind. Since then, I’ve concluded that she probably couldn’t tell me why either. There is a certain state of mind that goes with suicide that those who have not been there really can’t understand. I also had a nephew who committed suicide, and as a counselor, I have sat across from others who had a family member or close friend who committed suicide, and while the questions survivors have remained the same, I still don’t have the right answers.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved (Ephesians 2:1-5).”

Many people may disagree with the following, but it took me many years to come to this conclusion, it wasn’t made from grief or a way to deal with my own loss. It comes from years of being a counselor, dealing with others who have lost loved ones to suicide, and from lots and lots of prayer. I was raised to believe that suicide was a ticket straight to hell, that it broke the sixth commandment “Do not commit murder,” and suicide is self-murder. I do believe if a person dies without knowing Christ as their Savior, they go to hell, whether or not they commit suicide, but those who are saved by grace and commit suicide do not go to hell. Hebrews 11:32 includes Samson as one of the heroes of faith, yet Samson caused his own death, as well as that of about 3,000 Philistines (Judges 16). I believe that our confession of faith in Christ and accepting Him as our Savior, covers our sins completely.

There is a certain mindset when it comes to suicide. I don’t believe anyone who commits suicide does so without depression being part of that mindset. Depression takes away our ability to see our situation in life rationally. While I certainly hope those who suffer with depression will talk to someone, see a counselor, or a medical doctor to see if medication will help, I do not believe a Christian who commits suicide is automatically condemned to hell.

“Then when Judas, His betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders, saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” They said, “What is that to us? See to it yourself.” And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, he departed, and he went and hanged himself (Matthew 27:3-5).” 

Most people I know think Judas Iscariot went to hell - I don’t. When we accept Christ as our Savior, we must first repent for our sins, which means to turn from them and turn to Christ. While Judas Iscariot did indeed betray Christ, it was something that had to happen, and my question was always, if Christ knew Judas would betray Him, and it was necessary to further salvation for us all, why would Judas be condemned to hell when he hanged himself? Judas regretted his decision to betray Christ, he repented when he took the money back to the priests, but he also felt so much guilt over what he had done, he killed himself. I’m also sure he was depressed and not thinking right.

If you have lost a loved one to suicide, I am so sorry and I share in your grief. Please know that you are not at fault, you did nothing wrong, and you could not have changed anything. I pray that you will seek counseling if you are not able to walk through your grief in a reasonable amount of time. By that, I mean if a year later, you are still unable to function, you may need medical intervention. While there is no time limit on grief, it should not become debilitating, know the signs and get help. If you are contemplating suicide, please get help. There is an answer and there is a brighter life for you on the other side of your problems. Suicide is never the right answer, no matter how bleak life seems.

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in Heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:14-19).”

Read Ezekiel 46-47 & Daniel 1-5

© 2018 Marie McGaha

Move Forward

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

~Isaiah 43:18-19

Does your past haunt you? Do you think of the things you’ve done and play out the scenario of how it could’ve gone differently if only you had said something different? Do the would haves, should haves and could haves keep you awake at night? We’ve all done things we wish we hadn’t, or that we wish we could’ve done differently. I often think of my life and wish for the one big do-over. I know the exact moment I would go back to and what I’d do, and my whole life would be completely different. But we can’t go back, and God isn’t handing out do-overs. All we can do is, hopefully, learn from our past and don’t make the same mistakes over again. Our past makes us who we are today, and the events we survived are either an anchor that drags us down or a sail that moves us forward.

“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).” 

When we follow Jesus, we have to move forward and leave our past behind us. We simply cannot stay where we are and follow Jesus. Or, as I tell my kids, “You can’t ride two horses with one saddle, sugar bean.” We can live in the past and wallow in our failures, or we can get up and walk it off by exercising our faith in Jesus Christ. No matter where we’ve been or what we’ve been through, when we accept Christ as our Savior, He will not leave us where we are. He will pick us up, dust us off, and heal our wounds but we must take that first step toward Him.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:17-21).”

Read Ezekiel 40-45

© 2018 Marie McGaha

The Sacrifice of Praise

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

~Isaiah 40:28-31

The Book of Isaiah is my favorite book of the Bible. I’ve read it over and over, and every time, I am struck by the timeliness of the prophet’s words. While the book is a message of the coming of the Messiah, it is filled with the judgement of God and the need for redemption. From the first chapter of Isaiah, it is clear the people have turned from the beliefs of their fathers and have fallen into sin. Just like we have today. Clearly, the world has become chaotic and full of sin to the point I often wonder how much longer we can go on before we implode. Isaiah prophesied to the nation of Judah, who had turned from God and offered meaningless sacrifices to Him in Jerusalem—they were good at giving lip service to God but when it came to heartfelt worship or sincere confession of sin or a pure relationship with Him, they really had better things to do. To me, Isaiah is a good picture of the church today. How many people go to church because they’re expected to? How many people use church as a social gathering to have coffee with friends? There’s music but how many really offer heartfelt worship? There’s a sermon, but how many walk away changed by the words or apply the message to their lives? Few of us are different than the people were in Isaiah’s day. We are more interested in our own lives than our relationship with God.

“But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth (John 4:23-24).”

Our worship is important God. First, when we worship God, it places Him above all others. Have you ever seen someone in church who doesn’t participate in the worship? We can only worship that which we love and put above all else. When we love God more than anything else, we cannot contain it and desire to worship Him openly and with all our heart. Secondly, worship is a sweet aroma to God, and He inhabits His children’s praise (Psalm 22:3). If we truly want to connect with our heavenly Father, praise and worship is the way we start. Throughout the Bible we see God’s people singing praises to Him for what He has done, who He is, and for what He is going to do. Throughout the Old Testament, worship was done through sacrifice of animals and food, song and music. In the New Testament, we see the disciples sing hymns to God. In fact, when Paul and Silas were in prison, it was their worship and praise that opened the doors of the prison and broke the chains that held them, which brought about the salvation of others (Acts 16:25-34). Our worship is important to God.

“Sing to the Lord, all the earth! Tell of His salvation from day to day. Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous works among all the peoples! For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and He is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and joy are in His place (1 Chronicles 16:23-27).”

Read Ezekiel 31-39

©2018 Marie McGaha

The Other Side of Pain

Comfort & Joy by Marie McGaha

Available in Paperback, Kindle, and Audio

Forgiving those who have hurt us can be one of the most difficult things we ever have to do. In fact, it’s so difficult that there is a very popular saying, “I may forgive but I will never forget.” I’ve even heard this come from Christians, but nothing can be farther from the teachings of Christ.

1 John 1:9 tells us that, “He forgives us and cleanses us from all unrighteousness.” Not only are we forgiven for our sins, but they are no longer remembered by God. He takes our sins, throws them into a Hefty Bag, and then tosses it into a big dump that only God has the directions to.

          God is not a god who reminds us of our faults of yesterday but of our abilities through Him for all our tomorrows. God wants us to shine, to minister to others, to represent His Son, Jesus, wherever we go, and to win souls to the Kingdom of Heaven.

          One of the biggest things we will have to do in order to accomplish this is to forgive and forget our own past. Yes, I said to forget the past, not just forgive the past but forget it ever existed. That includes not only forgiving others but one’s self, which is a difficult task, I know.

          I am one of those people who bear the weight of the world on their shoulders. I think that I am responsible for everything everyone else does, and if I had just said or done one thing differently, the entire outcome of everyone else’s lives would be different. I ride on waves of guilt that seem to well up within me from nowhere at all. I allow the consequences of other people’s actions to land on me, and make me feel as if I am responsible for what they have done.

          What I had to come to terms with is I am not God. Imagine that—I am just one of several billion people who occupy earth and take up oxygen, living a very ordinary life. I cannot make anyone do or say anything they don’t want to, and beating myself up over what other’s do only drives me farther from the love and grace of God.

          I have laid in bed crying in anguish over my ex-husband who passed away. (Dancing With Bear: A Love Story) I was so distraught over his passing, and convinced that I could have done or said something to someone, somewhere, that would have prevented his death. I loved this man for more than half my life and his passing felt as if it would destroy me. It was just one more thing the devil had in his arsenal against me, and he used it well.

          The truth is, the devil is out to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10) your life on earth, and ultimately, your soul. He doesn’t want you to live happily with God’s blessings, no, he wants you to be miserable and unhappy, and he wants your soul in Hell with him.

There is a saying among Christians, “We know how the story ends and the devil loses.” Yes, he loses but, in the meantime, he is active in this world to make sure he takes down as many of us as he can in the time he has left.

          So, how does the devil work? Unbelief is his greatest ally. For those who don’t believe in God, the devil doesn’t really have to worry about them. He knows they have what they want—money, drugs, fame, or whatever it is—and that is their reward. But for those of us who believe in God, who believe Jesus is the Savior of the world, we can expect the devil to do his best to destroy our lives. The devil is a coward, he never just confronts us directly, no, he likes to use those things that make us most vulnerable. The biggest of those is our past.

          Don’t we all let our past get to us? Don’t we obsess on all the things we have done wrong in our lives? And don’t we dwell on the things others have done to us? These are the devil’s weapons. He knows where to jab, punch, and kick. He knows how to use our guilt and unhappiness against us.

The Bible describes the devil as “…your great adversary, the devil… prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8) But verse nine says, “Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith…”

So, the only way to defeat the devil is to be strong in our faith in Jesus Christ and the Word of God, the Bible.

          I know sometimes that is so difficult, especially if you are new to Christianity and are just learning the Bible. When we are brand new, baby Christians, we still have our old non-Christian baggage that we drag around behind us. We haven’t figured out yet how to let it go, or what to do with it. And the devil knows this.

          What is inside your bag? Were you hurt as a child? Abused physically, sexually, emotionally? Have you been raped, lived with an abusive partner, or been a drug addict? Were you a prostitute? Do you have a sexually transmitted disease there is no cure for? Were you a criminal, served time in prison? Or perhaps nothing in your life has ever worked out for you, and everything you have tried to do has come to nothing?

          No matter what is in your bag, God can rid you of it, but the first step is allowing God to have full control of your life. And to allow God to do that means to forgive yourself and

those who have harmed you.

Are you cringing inside at the thought of forgiving the person who beat you, molested you, raped you, robbed you, or otherwise hurt you? That’s all right. God is big enough that He can handle whatever you are hiding inside of yourself, praying no one ever sees.

          God is the One who created the Heavens and the Earth, man and woman, all the animals, oceans and everything that lives there. He is the One who loved us so much, He sent His only begotten Son to die a horrible death on the cross so that you and I will not have to pay for our own sins. Jesus Christ became sin for us, and all we have to do is ask Him to forgive us and live our lives for Him, according to His word.

          Seem too good to be true? Have you heard someone tell you how they loved you, would care for you, and never let harm come to you, for them to only turn on you? Has the very one who should protect you been the one to hurt you and let you down? Are you afraid to trust, to love, to believe there can possibly be someone who will never leave or forsake you? Is forgiveness a concept so foreign that you can’t even think about it?

          We have all felt that way at one time or another. Not one of us has skated through life without anger, hurt feelings, or having someone we know take advantage of us. That is human nature, a sinful nature that we are all born with. But it doesn’t have to be that way, and through faith in Jesus Christ, it won’t continue to be that way.

Jesus Christ is the perfect Lamb of God, sacrificed for our sinful nature, and we can believe and trust in Him. We can trust in the Lord God and turn our lives, love, and trust over to Him, knowing He will handle us with loving care.

 ©2012 Marie McGaha

Comfort & Joy book one: forgiveness

Published by Dancing With Bear Publishing

Read Ezekiel 26-30

What Does God Require of You?

“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,  and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good? Behold, to the Lord your God belong Heaven and the heaven of heavens, the earth with all that is in it. Yet the Lord set His heart in love on your fathers and chose their offspring after them, you above all peoples, as you are this day. Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart and be no longer stubborn. For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe.” 

~Deuteronomy 10:12-17

Sometimes I don’t think I do enough for God, or to prove I love Him, and I feel like a lazy Christian if I take time off from “doing.” But the above verses set me straight every time. God doesn’t love us because of what we do, or even because of who we are. God loves us because of who He is. He requires only that we respect Him and honor Him in all that we do. It is nothing less than how we should treat our spouses, our kids, parents, and other people. Everyone wants to be treated with respect, including God. Our lives are full of things that we must do every day—get up, go to work, do laundry, take care of kids, mow the lawn, take out the garbage, sweep the floors, wash the dishes, feed the dog—the list is endless, and it makes us weary. No matter how many times we wash something, it gets dirty again, no matter how many times we cook something, we have to do it again in a few hours, no matter how many times we sweep something, it’s going to need it again later. Our chores never end and sometimes I think that’s how we see our service to God, it’s one big, never-ending chore that if we don’t do it, we’ll get sent to hell. But that isn’t what God wants from us.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2:8-10).”

God’s great love, grace and mercy is what saves us, not anything that we do. God doesn’t want us to prove our devotion through works, because we are human, and He knows that we’ll just get worn out trying to prove ourselves. It’s what we do every day. We work ourselves into frustration trying to prove how good we are, or how much we love our families, or trying to impress a boss but God isn’t impressed by what we do. God wants our love and devotion, and we give that by accepting Christ as our Savior and following Him. That’s what impresses God—the blood of Jesus Christ covering us. So, rest in the Lord, knowing  there is nothing more you can do to impress Him. If you are saved by grace, then know that the Lord is already so impressed with you and all He wants is for you to love Him with all your heart, mind, and being.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock (Isaiah 26:3-4).”

Read Ezekiel 17-25

© 2018 Marie McGaha

From Dust To Dust

“For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity. All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return.”

~Ecclesiastes 3:19-20

I’ve always had an affinity for cemeteries. I always felt sorry for the people who were in them, and my cousins and I used to take flowers to the graves who had none. In the 8^th grade, my school was across the road from one, so on nights of school dances, my friends and I would sneak off to go ghost hunting. We told stories of the dead and scared the pants off one another so that eventually, we all ran back to the school, sure a ghost or one of the resurrected dead was chasing us. Even now, although I no longer believe in ghosts, or think if I find a tombstone with the date of death the same as my date of birth that it means I’m going to drop dead, I still like going to cemeteries, especially old ones. I find a certain peace there, but I am also brought to the certainty of the finality of life. We are all going to die and whether we end up six feet under, or in the kiln at 1800 degrees, it’s the road everything with breath will eventually follow.

“These all look to You, to give them their food in due season. When You give it to them, they gather it up; when You open Your hand, they are filled with good things. When You hide Your face, they are dismayed; when You take away their breath, they die and return to their dust (Psalm 104:27-29).”

I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. In the spectrum of time, our lives are but a moment before we lapse into eternity. And it is there that we will stand before the Maker of the universe and answer for our lives on earth. We have one life to get this right, and while we will make mistakes as fallible humans, there is only one thing that will separate us from the love of God and that’s to ignore who Jesus Christ is and what He did on the Cross for each of us. That is an eternal mistake that cannot be undone after we die. Even up to the moment of death, we have the choice to accept Christ and change our eternal place from one of devastation and separation to one of joyous revelation and union with our Lord. If you haven’t accepted Christ as your Savior, don’t wait another moment. You may have a hundred years left on earth, or you may have just minutes, only God knows for sure, so don’t trade your eternal soul for a few minutes of earthly pleasure.

“Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. ‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts’ (Isaiah 55:6-9).”

Read Ezekiel 11-16

©2018 Marie McGaha

Kicking and Screaming

“Then the fire of the Lord fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust and licked up the water that was in the trench. And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, ‘The Lord, He is God; the Lord, He is God.’”

~1 Kings 18:38-39

In chapter 18 of 1 Kings, the prophet Elijah is alone with 450 people who worship Baal. They are convinced that their god is the “real” God and Elijah is given the task of proving otherwise. I always chuckle when I read this chapter because Elijah is kind of a smart aleck, and taunts and mocks these people. From the viewpoint of the others, Elijah is either very brave and sure of his God or has a death wish. Sometimes, we can be like that too when we feel must prove God is who He says He is. I remember when I was a very young Christian and felt it was my Christian duty to tell everyone who God is and inform them if they didn’t change their mind right then, they would go to hell. Funny thing, people don’t like hearing they’re wrong! No matter how much zeal we have, or how many Bible verses we can quote, until someone is drawn to the Lord, we are likely to turn people off from Christianity when we approach them that way.

“No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day (John 6:44).”

For us to truly understand who Christ is and how He works in our lives, we have to be drawn to Him. In the above verse, the word translated as “draw” is helkuo – which means to “drag toward” both literally and figuratively. If you’re a parent, you’ve had to drag your child to bed, or away from something dangerous etc. and you understand helkuo is a one-sided affair. You must act in your child’s best interest, even if they are screaming and fighting you all the way. This is a type of picture of us coming to Christ. We may have had someone tell us about Christ, maybe more than once, but until we are drawn by the Holy Spirit, we will never come to Christ on our own. We are that child, kicking and screaming the whole way! So, we must remember when we are telling others about Christ that our words alone will never bring them to salvation, no matter how fervent we are to prove that Christ is the answer. We can plant the seed if we do it in a kind, non-threatening way so we don’t turn the person off from ever hearing about God again, but no matter what we say, until God calls someone to salvation, the most we can do is be a good example of what it means to live for Christ.

“Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life; whoever comes to Me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in Me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen Me and yet do not believe. All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and whoever comes to Me I will never cast out. For I have come down from Heaven, not to do My own will but the will of Him who sent Me. And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that I should lose nothing of all that He has given Me but raise it up on the last day.  For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in Him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day’ (John 6:35-40).”

Read Ezekiel 1-10

 © 2018 Marie McGaha