“She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in
Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. As for me,
where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the
outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he
will not withhold me from you.” But he would not listen to her, and being
stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.”
~2
Samuel 13:12-14
The
story of King David’s children, Tamar, Ammnon, and Absolom is a complicated one
with a variety of aspects, and this particular part of the story is about rape
and revenge, but the part that has always struck me is the aftermath for Tamar.
Verse 20 says, “So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom's
house.” After that, little else is said about her. Like all sexual assault, the
rape of Tamar was not about sex, it was about control, power and selfishness. And
it left Tamar a tainted woman, depressed, alone, and ‘desolate’. That word, in
this situation, means “devastated,” “bleak,” “stark,” “bare,” and “dismal.”
Tamar’s life was ruined in ways her brothers could not understand, maybe in a
way no man can understand.
Sexual assault and abuse occur every two minutes and affects more than 350,000 women each year. And according to statistics, perpetrators of rape are often serial criminals. Out of every 1,000 suspected rape perpetrators referred to prosecutors, 370 have at least one prior felony conviction, including 100 who have 5 or more priors; 520 will be released—either because they posted bail or for other reasons— and while awaiting trial 70 of the released perpetrators will be arrested for committing another crime before their case is decided. In 2013, approximately 160,000 perpetrators were incarcerated for sexual assault, sentenced to serve an average of less than three years.* Clearly, the justice system is severely lacking and apparently does not take sexual assault seriously. While perpetrators of sexual assault serve minimal sentences before being freed to recommit their offenses, victims of sexual assault serve life-long sentences, with a myriad of complications. Victims often suffer symptoms of PTSD, fear, guilt, anger, eating disorders, sleep disorders, and often attempt suicide. They also often experience blame from the courts, friends, relatives and co-workers, while the assault itself is often trivialized. I suspect Tamar suffered many of these same things.
Sexual assault and abuse occur every two minutes and affects more than 350,000 women each year. And according to statistics, perpetrators of rape are often serial criminals. Out of every 1,000 suspected rape perpetrators referred to prosecutors, 370 have at least one prior felony conviction, including 100 who have 5 or more priors; 520 will be released—either because they posted bail or for other reasons— and while awaiting trial 70 of the released perpetrators will be arrested for committing another crime before their case is decided. In 2013, approximately 160,000 perpetrators were incarcerated for sexual assault, sentenced to serve an average of less than three years.* Clearly, the justice system is severely lacking and apparently does not take sexual assault seriously. While perpetrators of sexual assault serve minimal sentences before being freed to recommit their offenses, victims of sexual assault serve life-long sentences, with a myriad of complications. Victims often suffer symptoms of PTSD, fear, guilt, anger, eating disorders, sleep disorders, and often attempt suicide. They also often experience blame from the courts, friends, relatives and co-workers, while the assault itself is often trivialized. I suspect Tamar suffered many of these same things.
*Statistics
from RAAIN (www.raain.org)
What
you can do to help someone who’s been sexually assaulted: 1) Avoid judgement.
The victim is not to blame, it is not her fault, she did not ask for it no
matter how she dresses, acts, or the places she frequents. 2) Check in on her
periodically. Just like with a death, there is no time limit for grief, nor is there
for dealing with the emotional pain caused by the assault. 3) Know your resources. Help your friend by
knowing that she needs professional help, and although you love her and are
trying to help her, unless you are specifically trained in this area, she will
need more help than you can give. 4) If you suspect your friend may be
considering suicide, don’t wait, call the suicide hotline. 5) Your emotions
will be affected by what your friend is going through, practice self-care
because you cannot help her if you fall apart too.
I
would like to add that prayer will, of course, help and staying close to the
Lord through all situations is a must, however, after experiencing a traumatic
event such as sexual assault, the victim may not want to hear what will sound
like Christian platitudes. Pray for her, be there for her, but don’t preach and
quote Scripture. Be there as support, and listening may be the most important
thing you can do for her.
“The eyes of the Lord are
toward the righteous and
his ears toward their cry. The face of the Lord is against those who do
evil, to cut off the memory of them from the
earth. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is
near to the brokenhearted and saves the
crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:15-18).”
Read
Amos
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