You Gotta Forget About It

"I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins."

~Isaiah 43:25

I’ve had a lot of physical, emotional and mental pain. Some was of my own doing, but the worst was caused by others. As a child, I suffered sexual abuse from an uncle, which set the stage for a future of drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, domestic violence, and a host of other problems. I had no idea how to cope. I had no idea what was even wrong with me. I was an emotional wreck and tried to self-medicate in order to pretend I was “normal,” when there was nothing normal about my life. I lived in an emotional hell that kept me from even acknowledging what had happened until I was in my late 20’s. And then all that pain turned to rage and hatred. I was holding on by the proverbial thread.

I was going to church. I was saved by grace. God was working in my life. But I couldn’t let go of these feelings I had toward the man who had ruined my life. He had molested and abused me. He had stolen my virginity, my future, and my sanity. I hated him, and he had been dead for a couple of years. He was dead, and I had no one to direct my feelings toward. But then a curious thing happened. A lady who was blind came to our church. She and I became acquainted and she told me the story of how her 17-year-old son, her only child, had been murdered by the next-door neighbor for breaking a birdbath while mowing the lawn. Over the course of the next three years, while the man was in prison, she told me of the many and varied emotions she went through, the anguish, the guilt, and the hatred. Without her knowledge, the man was released from prison, but one day, while she was walking, the Lord led her to a house she didn’t know, and it happened to belong to the family of the man.

While she was standing there, wondering why God led her to that house, the man and his family came outside. The man stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her, and then he went to her, fell to his knees and begged her forgiveness. While he was in prison, he had accepted Christ as his Savior, but he had not been able to move on in life. His wife said he had horrible nightmares and often broke into a cold sweat and cried over what he had done to the boy and his family. At that moment, with the man crying at her feet, the boy’s mother said every feeling she’d had against the man, evaporated. She fell to her knees, hugging him and crying, and she forgave him. Not only that, like Christ when He forgives our sins, she also forgot. It allowed the man to move forward. He went to Bible college, became a minister, and continues to minister to young people in gangs to this day.

Forgiveness can be a tough emotion to navigate. We often hear, “I’ll forgive you, but I will never forget.” That isn’t true forgiveness. True forgiveness also includes forgetting the offense and moving forward as if it never happened.

After crying with the woman over her story, I was able to tell her mine. Then we cried some more. But through those stories, through the tears, I felt something in my spirit give way. I forgave the man who had hurt me so many years ago. I discovered that as long as I held onto the pain and unforgiveness, I was still his victim. I was set free, finally, from all the unforgiveness I had harbored, and from all of the residual emotions that went along with it. I was able to forgive and forget and pray that he did not go to hell as I had wished every day since his death. I have been able to use this part of my life to help others who have been in similar situations, who continue to hold on to their past, and be dragged down by it. Our past can either be an anchor that drags us under, or a sail that propels us forward. I have the wind of forgiveness through the Holy Spirit that propels me forward.

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:14-15).”

(For the rest of the story, you can buy the book, Comfort & Joy book one: forgiveness on Amazon)

Read 1 Kings 8-12

 ©2018 Marie McGaha